Options
I see many options in front of me now, unlike before. It's the opposite of hopelessness--I have the power to choose any of these possibilities, but they each come with ups and downs.
Worst of all, they all come with uncertainty and a great deal of time commitment. Life moves and changes so quickly--will any of these choices even make sense in the next year? In the next month?
What should I be prioritizing?
What should I optimize for?
On one hand, it makes sense to focus on what will most benefit me in the future. But we still have to live with the now, and our environment could change in such a way that the now is all that matters.
If a man is dying of hunger, what's the point in going through the process of teaching him how to fish? Give him a fish now, so that he can live; and then maybe you can teach him how to fish, or maybe he'll want to do something else with his time (like scavenging for berries).
So I guess I should be asking myself, "What do I need right now?"
Will the longterm plans also help fulfill my immediate needs? Will I find innate value in the process itself?
Actually, in this situation, is it even possible to have both? I mean, sometimes you just have to suffer through something and then it'll be worth it in the end. But I guess if you can find value in the process, then it won't matter if things don't work out. If the end result is all that matters, then a wrench in those plans can send you into a dark place.
So for now, my conclusion is that I should make the choice that I can find near immediate fulfillment in. Even if it's difficult, and pushes me outside of my comfort zone, I should still derive value from the process itself. That doesn't make the decision much easier, but at least I have some logic I can anchor my decision to while I think it over more.