Values
From time to time, I feel a sense of being lost and have to review where I'm at and what my goals are. These goals, if they are ones I've set for myself, are innately based around my values.
When there is a clash in what others expect of me and what I hope to achieve, it's generally a clash of values. 「That person」 values something differently from me. That doesn't mean 「they're」 wrong about valuing that thing, in reference to 「themselves」; but when 「they」 impose those values upon others, and expect others to share those values as objective truths, it's very difficult. How do you resolve those differences? I can't just explain things in the context of my values, because the issue is that 「they」 don't share my values in the first place--or maybe 「they」 do, but 「they」 just prioritize values differently. It may have been something grown into 「them」 from a very early age, based on a logic developed from 「their」 environment and experiences, something that 「they」 likely validated by looking at things through the lens of those values. So imagine trying to invalidate 「their」 values, or say your values are more important than 「theirs」. You just can't do it (unless you're met with a particularly open or weak-minded person).
I recently asked myself what I valued the most, in the context of making future decisions. It's very possible that priorities will change and so will values. But, it's probably more like--I'd be willing to sacrifice on certain values, temporarily, for other things that I value more. Those sacrificed values won't go away, they may just drop in importance. And, in some cases, it may be a delayed gratification type of deal where you forego a particular thing in order to get more of it later.
What I'm saying will probably be more clear if I list the values:
- Independence (In terms of ability and finances)
- Freedom (Flexibility)
- Growth (Increase in skills)
Thinking about it more now, I also value comfort. I'm sure most humans do. So, I can add that onto the list of values to consider when making a decision.
If someone else valued, say, safety at the top of their list, then they may make more sacrifices to achieve that. Safety sacrifices all three of the listed values to some extent, though you may feel a greater sense of comfort in exchange.
E.g.; there is safety in relying on others if you can trust them, letting go of some of your freedoms can create a safer environment, and avoiding uncomfortable--"unsafe"--activities generally means you won't grow as quickly.
Anyways, I would go through the values one by one and ramble about them more specifically. I could give examples of where a certain value takes priority in my considerations. But the reality is that these values could be broadly applied to anything, and could be interpreted in different ways, and I don't really feel like writing anymore.
After all, my values won't be all that useful to someone else. If you're an onlooker trying to derive value from anything I've written, it should be that you could identify your own values if you haven't already. Those values can then help you when you make decisions, or when you justify an argument; and trying to identify the core values of someone else can better allow you to understand them. Understanding can then, I suppose, be used for empathy or manipulation. Whichever suits you.